Of Sleeping Beauty and Compatibility

I woke up feverish, with my body aching all over. I felt like I spent the previous night in a boxing ring, as one of the featherweight contenders, and lost the fight. And what does a losing boxer do? Rest. And so I rest—text my boss about missing work, stay in the small space I call room and challenge myself to outsleep Sleeping Beauty. This time, I think I had a fighting chance.

Later in the day, a friend broke through my mid-afternoon slumber with an issue so pressing she had to text me: "Question: How will one know if she has found the right person? Is it OK to just go for compatibility instead of love?”

It took me several minutes to text back. Am I a reliable source of wisdom, being unattached myself? But my self-doubt didn’t stop me from diving into deep thinking. And so, with the knowledge lent to me by Elisabeth Elliot, Joshua Harris, James Dobson, Norman Wright and other writers whose books I’ve read, I text back:

“Risk will always be involved in making choices. We could minimize the risk if we get all the facts and think about the pros and cons. What makes two people compatible? I think it’s important that they have similar life goals. Could their two separate lives be woven into one? Do they connect and communicate? Love can be learned. Hopefully, she learns before they marry.”

Reading my text before sending it, I’m convinced that yes, in 320 characters, I’ve encapsulated what I believe in. Five minutes later she texts back: “So you think love could be learned? Wouldn’t that be hard? Wouldn’t that be unfair to the other person because you’re just compatible and you don’t really love him?”

I imagine where she is coming from. My instinct tells me that my friend might be framing the question in the third person but it is actually about her. I confirm it to her later but first, her follow-up question needed an answer:

“Now we are able to choose who to marry but in the past, it has been arranged marriages. And we have proof that they work. Personally, I can’t say that I will marry without love. But...I will choose to learn (last line edited).”

After a couple more texts, I offer that we meet sometime to talk about the love vs. compatibility issue more lengthily. I promise to think about her and pray for her concern as it percolates in her mind and heart.

Several hours ago I woke up feeling like a defeated boxer but this time around I stayed awake feeling like a trusted counselor. But with my temperature still up, I quit the mental calisthenics and instead indulge my aching body yearning for more rest.

Love vs. compatibility? Hmmm. Ho-hum...
But I still have to outsleep Sleeping Beauty*.

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*I could have won over Sleeping Beauty but if I slept a little bit longer I would look like Kerokeropi (remember the cute frog with bulging eyes?). So I rise and do a few productive things my feverish body allows me. Like write this post.