Writing at Midnight
I’ve written more than a few pieces, beaten more than a few deadlines, kept vigil in front of my Dell more than a few midnights already. If Cinderella leaves the ball lest her gown turns to rags at the strike of midnight, then I follow the reverse order. I could slip on my gown, enter the ballroom, and dance, figuratively that is, when the short hand and the long hand of the clock meet at the number 12.
So what letters do my short fingers gently tap? What thoughts will my mind allow me to make public? What feelings will my heart allow to surface? A line flits by my head . . .
"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.*"
This verse from Proverbs is highlighted in my Bible. I couldn’t recall the exact time and under what circumstances the felt-tipped yellow marker slid across the page. But the wisdom of this verse is as precious to me now as when I was first confronted with its truth. For what else needs constant guarding than the seat of our emotions, the spot where daily battles are being fought? Daily battles between right and wrong, lust and purity, pride and humility.
Battles. I wish I could say I’ve always won these battles. More than a few times, which is an understatement, have I let my self-will dictate my actions. These are the times when God’s voice is drowned out by the enchanting noise of my own desires. When I should have known better and done it—or should not have done it—yet acted otherwise. Arrogantly coasting through life with my I-know-what-I’m-doing-I-can-handle-it days. Oh, don’t we all have one of these days? When we shamelessly believe we could ask God to take a 15-minute break and let us run the universe for the meantime?
I’ve always had a problem with my heart, and it’s not the medical kind. Even after I’ve given my heart to God, I’d still find myself creeping to His side and wonder if He’d let me have it again. To let me chase after false sources of happiness, and wander to desolate places of rest.
I find this business of guarding my heart getting harder and harder. I find this exercise of weighing my motives getting more and more frequent. But I am not about to give up just yet—in fact, not ever. If I would just learn to trust God with all my heart, then there will be no more battles to lose. I may be a slow and reluctant learner but I have the Most Patient, Most Wise and Most Loving Teacher.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.**"
*Proverbs 4:23
**Proverbs 3:5-6
6 comments:
Haay, battles. Yup I know what you mean. I, too, am thankful that our God is a gracious God. The many times He's picked me up from the battle ground, dapat nga I should have learned by now.
I know what you mean too. Buti na lang God picks us up every time and doesn't let us stay fallen. :-) What a good and gracious God He truly is!
I know what you mean. I often prayerfully sing the song "Change my heart O God, Make it ever pure... " ( i hope tama ang lyrics ko!:-) True indeed that we need constant reminder.
Di ba, "Change my heart O God, make it ever true"? Pero sige, OK lang, we also need to ask Him to make our hearts pure eh. Yes, It's a challenge to guard our hearts and affections. We need to lay them on the cross daily. :-)
Hi Beng! Been thinking about it too. We'll talk more about it when I come back from Baguio. Just want to say that our God is always merciful and gracious to us, and that He is faithful to all His promises. See you soon!
Hi Sherry! I'm looking forward to my time with you. Tell me how you are. When are you available? Hmm,will text you.
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