If Life were a Dance

Don’t worry about what you don’t know.
Life’s a dance.
You learn as you go.

John Michael Montgomery, Life’s a Dance

I am safe, content with where I am—by the bleacher, watching, cheering others on. The fluid movements of the dancers enthrall me as I wonder how the rhythm of their bodies beautifully matches the music. The way they completely abandon their self-consciousness and capture their ten minutes of glory amazes me. The music stops; the dancers walk away.

The dance floor is now empty. As I stand to leave, a Voice calls out. “It’s your turn.” Another melody rings through the air. “It’s your song.”

It can’t be me. Ask me to watch everyday, and I will. You will find me here—right on the dot, and sit on the same spot. But me, on the dance floor? Just the thought of being warmed by the klieg lights freezes me. I can’t. Or I won’t.

But what if? What if for a moment I disrobe myself of my self-consciousness and take on the dance floor? What if I take—careful and tentative—steps, from the bleacher to the center? Sure—I might make the wrong step, trip on my own feet but what if for ten minutes failure didn’t matter?

I am now where the Voice asks me to be. I don’t immediately move and sway to the beat. I’m taking my time and feeling the music. Hoping that my feet, my arms, my body obey what my heart tells me to do. Will I ever learn to dance as gracefully as the dancers I admire? Can I risk being away from the safety of the sure and known?

The music is playing.
The dance floor, waiting to be caressed by my feet.
Life's a dance. I will learn as I go.

*This post inspired by the challenges I'm anticipating. One of which involves me stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something new. If and when I do it, you'll read about it--soon.

A Poem for Ian

Once there was a boy named Ian
Who loves to laugh and have fun
He likes his ice cream vanilla white
And with his necktie is quite a cool sight

He’s the sweetest boy you’ll ever meet
How could I tell, you might think
With his skinny arms he’d hug me tight
And ask if he could stay by my side

He’d say out of the blue, “I love you”
Now if you were me, what would you do?
What else but smile and wonder out loud
How of him his parents must be so proud

Over the phone I ask him one day
“May I come on your birthday?”
He says, “Okay, just ride a big airplane”
Now, if it were only that simple and plain!

So I’m giving him this poem instead
He’d be thrilled upon seeing our picture posted
“Ian, as you turn six today, stay as cool and sweet
Of all the Ians in the world, you’re my favorite!”

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y, Ian!

Thinking of Seven

Seven things that scare me
1. Getting a really bad haircut
2. Mice / rats
3. Offending people, especially those who mean a lot to me
4. Missing a deadline/failing at my responsibilities
5. Losing my students’ respect because of a bad choice(I teach a College Sunday School class)
6. Reckless driving (that’s why I don’t drive)
7. Breaking God’s heart

Seven things I like the most
1. Talking with my nephews
2. Reading a good book in my bed, on the bus, in front of a hotsprings in Banaue (anywhere, actually!)
3. Watching a good movie
4. The privilege of making a difference through what I do
5. Making people smile/laugh
6. Having unhurried, meaningful conversations with friends (usually one-on-one)
7. Listening to music

Seven important things in my room
1. Bed
2. TV
3. Pillows
4. CD player/radio
5. Books
6. Drawers where I keep all my stuff
7. Me when I’m inside(Hehe!)

Seven random facts about me
1. Kabalo ako mag-Bisaya, di ako mabaligya
2. I share a Christmas birthday with a twin brother
3. I enjoy surprising people with unexpected treats
4. I’m nocturnal but not insomniac
5. When I order chicken, I specify to give me any part except the leg (ma-masel kasi. Lagi kasing naglalakad ang chicken. Explain ko na lang sa inyo ng personal kung gusto ninyo)
6. I can delay gratification
7. I can trust God even when things do not make sense

Seven things I plan to do before I die
1. Join the Palanca and win
2. Take a short course at a culinary school
3. Love like I have never loved before
4. Have a family and put my cooking, budgeting, child-rearing and other skills to use
5. Tell all my loved ones about Jesus
6. Go to Israel and see where Jesus walked
7. Discover all I could about God and give Him all the love, praise, service I am able to give

Seven things I can do
1. Sing
2. Cook
3. Teach
4. Use different voices when storytelling to kids
5. Risk looking silly just to have fun (I once made and wore a giant watermelon slice costume during our fun night in our company retreat!)
6. Go to an unfamiliar place on my own
7. Be faithful to God, my calling, the one I will choose to love

Seven things I can’t do
1. Act
2. Bike
3. Dance
4. Drive (I can drive pala but I won't)
5. Swim
6. Eat balut
7. Deliberately disobey God

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Love for God
2. Strength of character
3. Ability to communicate
4. Gentleness and kindness
5. Sense of purpose
6. Wit
7. Hair

Seven things I say the most
1. Talaga?
2. Shocks!
3. Ngii!
4. Kiss muna! (said only to my nephews. Well, at least, for now. Hehe!)
5. Gusto mo ng ________ (fill in the blank with whatever I have at the moment)?
6. OK lang
7. Yaiiks!

Seven celebrity crushes
1. Philip Yancey (What a brain!)
2. Jim Elliot (kaya lang patay na siya. Pero gusto ko pa rin siya, based on what his wife tells about him)
3. Jerry Yan (kaya lang di ko siya maintindihan)
4. Piolo Pascual (kaya lang di siya book reader)
5. Steve Martin (he’s so funny!)
6. Beast of Beauty and the Beast (I love the way he shed off his rough exterior, figuratively, and loved her)
7. Donald Duck (just to make a list of seven)

Seven people I want to take this quiz
1. Gina
2. Jenny
3. Karina
4. Pstr. Bong
5. Nechie
6. Olive
7. Anjou

To Ivy and Aleks, I had a great time reading your lists (and learning more about you) too!:-)

Three Whens

"When do you stop loving someone?*"

I was asked this question several weeks ago by one of my closest friends. I didn’t have an answer for her then, in that split-second instant she cornered me, but I’ve been letting it simmer in my mind ever since. I think better when I write so here’s me thinking about it:

When do you stop loving someone?*
Let me answer with three whens. When it will cost you more pain to continue loving him. When using your dwindling supply of energy into keeping him is not just draining strength but the life out of you. When nights of you crying are outnumbering the days of you smiling.

Selfishness? Not really. Self-preservation? Probably.

But while you’re in this stage of indecision and uncertainty, know that just like all other heartaches, this too shall pass. All heartaches do. And as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, God will wipe away your sorrow.

So trust God and let the tears flow.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;he rescues those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 NLT

- - - - - - -
*Not in the context of marriage

Sweet dreams are made of these

Like a top girl scout anxiously anticipating her first camp, I was prepared. I knew I was going to crave for chocolates so I entered the cinema with two Kitkats in my bag (I didn’t eat both though. I gave the other one to my officemates). But the explosion of sweetness in my mouth was no match for the burst of delights popping right before my eyes.



Chocolate waterfalls. Candy foliage. A chocolate factory transformed into a whole universe where a glove-wearing eccentric man with perfect teeth (not necessarily perfect smile) is king. Sweet dreams are made of these. And this dream flashed before my eyes—uninterrupted, and in full-color too! It was an eye candy, literally and metaphorically speaking. Oompa Loompa danced, Willy Wonka strutted, and Charlie melted my heart with his cute smile and innocent soul.

Oh what fun to be a kid again! I did not have to hop into a time machine to go back to my carefree days of childhood. I simply suspended my rational, logical judgment for two hours, and imagined myself as a young child again. My eyes got misty when Charlie opened the first two Willy Wonka bars and didn’t find the golden ticket. My heart skipped a beat when Willy Wonka ushered the children into rooms painted with the colorful strokes of imagination.

It was an excellent tale by Roald Dahl, masterfully brought to life by Tim Burton. While the images of their creation are still replaying in my mind, thoughts about life and wishes for us all are providing the backdrop.

"May the worries of adulthood not cloud our sight. May we not trade our bright reds for the drab grays. May we never lose the sense of wonder of discovering the new. Because even when we’re wrinkled and eighty, in our hearts we can be forever eight."

Freezing Ice Candy, Learning Patience

How long does it take for a tube of ice candy to harden in the freezer? Tell me please because for the past ten minutes, my nephew Pong has been asking me if he can have one.

"Tita Beng, pwede na?"
"Hindi pa."
(Pong, whining) "Pwede na. Tingin ako."

I lead him towards the refrigerator and take a tube out of the freezer. I tell him it’s still juice and that we have to wait a little longer. The four-year-old, three-foot fellow squeezes the tube, finally believes me and goes up their room. Meanwhile, while I am trying to surf the internet, he comes down the stairs, almost every two minutes, to ask me:

“Tita Beng, gusto ko ng ice candy. Pwede na?”

I laugh out loud. Can I blame my persistent nephew? He is still mastering his ABCs and there’s no way he will understand the concept of freezing point, of how it takes time before liquid turns into solid. Besides, even if by some stroke of genius his brain allows him to understand, will I be able to explain it to him? I’d rather coach him on writing an essay detailing the link between ice candy and world peace. It’ll be quite a stretch, I know, but hey, I can try. I’ll find that easier than explaining how the movement of molecules causes the change of a matter’s state.

Going back to Pong, I realize he is starting to exhibit the inherent male quality of having a focused mind. The conqueror in him has been awakened. He has a goal (the ice candy) but its fulfillment is not yet within reach. Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from channeling every ounce of his mental energy thinking about a tube filled with flavored liquid in the freezer. He wants his orange-colored ice candy NOW. I hear heavy footsteps. . .

“Tita Beng, okay na ba?”
“Hindi pa. Tatawagin na lang kita.”
“Okay.”

I’m making progress here. At least he’s starting to take my word for it and doesn’t feel the need to touch the ice candy himself. Ah, my nephew is displaying faith. Learning patience.

While I’m checking in on his ice candy, I’m considering giving him some words of wisdom. “It's not always easy to wait for something but if it means so much to you, it will be worth the wait. Trust me. God is teaching me the same.”

* * * * * * * * * * *
Epilogue: Pong didn't have to wait until the next morning to enjoy his much-coveted treat. Shortly after I finished writing this post, the ice candies were ready and I gave him and his brother a piece each. And since I did my own waiting on it too, I figured I also deserved one, a red one, as my prize. Just in case you're wondering, let me confirm, "Yes, it was worth the wait."

Girls' Talk

My throat is still sore. I blame it not on a virus but on my XX chromosomes.

Sugarhouse Megamall, August 4; 6 pm. I take the table by the glass wall and wait patiently for one of my closest friends since college whom I’ll identify as Girl 1. She arrives after several minutes and the talkathon officially starts. She is still as cute and as effusive as I remember her to be. A working mom, she tells me how she has been looking forward to this long-delayed get-together. I think I haven't seen her in a year! Only after seeing her did I realize how much I missed her too.

Her husband follows her shortly. We exchanged how-are-yous and the husband-and-wife team tells me how family life is. I tell them a little about my life but keep from talking about myself too much. Between spoonfuls of our rice meals, we talk about career and health issues. Other friends and each others’ parents and siblings.

After the husband reached his quota of 200 words, he excused himself and let his wife and me use our remaining 2,250 (a conservative estimate, really). By 8 pm, the third member of our 4-member peer group, whom I’ll identify as Girl 2, shows up. She was initially non-committal about the meeting but decided to surprise us by dropping by. Halfway through her mango torte, she laments about her LQ with her boyfriend. We listen and give not-so-few unsolicited advice.

We could have put Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino to shame with our endless chatter. In fact, the other diners have already left! The waiters putting up the chairs and clearing the tables give us the cue that we should be going. And so we stand and leave. But not yet for home.

From Sugarhouse, we turn left and walk towards the parking area. When we get there, the three of us search for Girl 1’s silver car. After five minutes, which seemed like eternity, the case of the missing car remains unsolved.

Girl 2: "Saan ka ba nagpark?"
Girl 1: "Mega A. Mega A ito, di ba?"
Beng: "Hmmm...Di ko sure."
(The three of us go back inside the mall to consider the situation.)
Girl 2 to security guard: "Manong, ano po ba ito, Mega A or Mega B?"
Security guard: "Mega B po."
Girl 1: "Sure kayo?"
Beng: "Malamang sure siya. Dito siya nagtratrabaho eh.:-)"

We just laugh the whole thing off. We take easy strides from Mega B to Mega A while, yes, talking. After finally finding the car, we speed off to Racks in El Pueblo. Over fried chicken and potato wedges, our talk turns to relationships and expectations, boundaries and friendships. Funny experiences and beauty tips.

It’s fun being a girl and having the excuse to talk non-stop with friends. Good for the heart but bad for the throat. :-)